best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
