hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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