yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
