did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
