I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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