he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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