i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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