Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
