It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
