I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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