I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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