we're blogging at a bar
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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