I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
