there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
