I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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