I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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