i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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