he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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