apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
