i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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