i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
