I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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