Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is Oprah even human
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
