I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
