you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
