apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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