ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
