yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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