maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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