i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
