she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
