I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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