Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
