I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
