THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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