3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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