He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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