this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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