I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
