Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
