Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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