i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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