actually, I'm a sock model
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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