Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
