I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
