He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
