Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
