how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
