Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
