What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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