When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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