just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize