i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
