I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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