thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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