how can u be prego again
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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