Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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