I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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