My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
