I just threw up on my dentist
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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