I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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