God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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