Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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