booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
