I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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