i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
