You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
