ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
