After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
