I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
