when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
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Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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