i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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